guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize