but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
and you fell through a lawn chair
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