Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
