Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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