It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
