ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
