Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
