I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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