im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
