halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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