I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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