Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize