Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
