Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
