one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
