What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
