I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
