she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My ass is underappreciated
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
