Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
