you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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