Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
