I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
