he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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