I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
