if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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