two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dear god my vagina.
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