You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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