Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
