Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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