I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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