the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
