everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
