12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
