why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
