wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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