when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
