My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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