I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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