do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
