I wish I could punch you in the face.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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