I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
