Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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