Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
