We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
