how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
