Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
