She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
