dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
