who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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