I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
where am i from again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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