I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
