We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
