you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
