she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
