It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
