i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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