Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
