I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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