Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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