Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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