Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
