I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
