So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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