It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
